Trust is one of the most important ingredients in the recipe for a good marriage. It not only takes time to build but also must constantly be tended. Once lost, it’s difficult to regain. When you build a foundation of trust in your marriage, you create a place of emotional safety for your spouse. Here’s how to nurture your most sacred relationship.

Constantly Monitor and Improve Communication Skills

Most people know how to talk, but few people know how to really listen. One time-tested tool to ensure you are paying attention is to mirror or repeat back what the other person says. For example, “It seems that you’re frustrated with me and would like me to do the dishes once and a while.”

Another factor of good communication skills is regular use of “I messages.” By starting a sentence with “you” for example, “You always put me down,” your spouse will likely become defensive. Rather, use an “I” message, “I feel bad when you criticize my cooking in front of the kids.”

Keep Comments Positive

Here’s a rule every boss knows, “Always give a complement before criticizing or making a suggestion.” Everyone has positive traits and everyone is caring and helpful at times. Start with the praise so your constructive comments will go down smoother.

Communicate Needs Clearly and Firmly

Just because spouses love each other doesn’t mean they can read each others minds. Many people think they shouldn’t have to voice their needs or are afraid of rejection so they clam up. Needs can only be met when they are clearly articulated and understood.

Don’t Allow Grievances to Fester

When grievances aren’t resolved, resentments grow larger until trust is lost. Learn how to problem solve and let go of arguments that can’t be resolved.

Keep Fights Fair

Fighting is a normal part of any marriage. However, partners in strong marriages know how to fight fair. Follow these rules to ensure a fair fight:

• Don’t resort to name calling or put-downs.
• Don’t bring up old, unresolved issues. Stick to the current issue.
• Don’t use hyperbole, such as you never or you always.
• Take a time-out if the fight gets out of hand. Agree beforehand on how to call it quits.
• Don’t start a fight when you are tired or don’t have the time to see it through, such as when you’re rushing off to work.

The key to building a strong relationship is trust. Trust takes a long time to build and a short time to destroy. Make trust a constant goal.

While quality of time is important, quantity of time is just as critical to raising a family.

Now that there’s a baby, you’re no longer a couple; you’re a family! But competing schedules and obligations can make acting like a family a little difficult. These days, more and more dads are finding ways to shoulder the burdens — and joys — of parenthood. And you might not realize it, but a slight change in Dad’s work schedule can free up a lot of time to spend with the kids.

Many fathers opt for different lifestyles and alternative work schedules to spend more time with their families or reduce the amount of time their kids spend in daycare. Some men work early or late shifts, or work part time, and some have even become stay-at-home dads while Mom works. Here are some creative ways fathers are creating more family time.

The Compressed Work Week

Here’s an idea: Work more hours per day, and fewer days per week. One way to go about this is to work 40 hours in four days instead of five by working four 10-hour days. Another common schedule is working nine hours a day and having a day off every other week.

When our son Jordan was small, my husband, John, worked four 10-hour days a week, with Fridays off. I worked a four-day work week part time with Mondays off. That way, Jordan was in daycare only three days a week. John’s schedule is important to him. He has had his Fridays off for the last five years. He says, “I like having my Fridays off with the kids. It is a special bonding time with them.”

Alternative Shift Start Times

On this schedule, parents start work at different hours to minimize the amount of time the children are away from home. For example, one parent could start work at 6:00 a.m. and one at 9:00 a.m. The children are dropped off at the daycare by the parent who leaves later, and picked up by the parent who gets off work earlier. Juggle this the right way, and daycare is no longer a necessity.

Pat Ryan works from 7:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. His wife, Terri, leaves for work at 5:00 p.m. Although that doesn’t leave much time for the two of them during the week, Pat enjoys evenings with his sons Robby, 3, and Christopher, 2. Pat also reports another advantage: “When both parents are together, the kids tend to play us off each other. They are much better behaved when there is only one parent here.”

Part Time

If a father works less than 40 hours a week, the family might feel a little pinch in the pocketbook. But some families can handle it by making a conscious choice to live more simply. Many health-care positions are becoming part-time, giving workers more days off. Some positions are 24 hours a week (two 12-hour shifts), or 36 hours a week (three 12-hour shifts). While 12 hours is a long day, think of the flip-side: You’ll have four or five days off each week.

Working At Home

A telecommuter works at home on his own computer, connected to the company’s computer by modem. But this melds the workplace and home, and telecommuting might leave you just as unavailable to the kids as if you were working at the office. In fact, many telecommuters find that they need a babysitter in the home. There are advantages: being available to eat lunch with the children, saving time and saving money commuting to work. It may be less stressful than work at an office, and every day becomes casual day!

Become a Stay-at-Home Dad

This option might be more realistic than it seems. If you’re a father considering staying at home, examine your earning power as compared to your partner’s. Consider work attire (no need for power suits), as well as commuting costs (gas, wear-and-tear of the car, depreciation, extra insurance costs), daycare costs, and all the other expenses of working. Don’t forget to factor in stress! Many men find they are happier staying at home with their children. If you’re not sure, try it out by taking personal leave. Fathers may be guaranteed up to three months of personal leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act if their child is under a year old, newly adopted, or recently placed with the family as a foster child. (To see if you qualify or if the law applies to your company, check with your employer’s human resources department.)

When either parent switches to home after having a career, the transition can be tough. With paid employment, people tend to have confidence, structure and regular positive feedback from coworkers and management. It might be hard to function in an environment with little structure and a lack of positive feedback. Just transition slowly, and find support or playgroups that help you understand you’re not alone.

Dan Sherman is now a stay-at-home dad. As a painter, he often found work hard to come by, or requiring a long commute to the job site. Most of the time, his children were either in daycare or after-school care. Dan’s wife, Becki, had healthcare benefits, and her work as a computer programmer/analyst provided enough money for the family. So Dan decided to stay home with their two sons: Ben, 8, and Sammy, 4. One day a week, Sammy goes to a Montessori preschool. That gives Dan a needed break, and Sammy has a chance to interact with children his own age. The preschool also provides Dan with educational materials and helps in his new role as full-time father. Dan is enjoying being closer to the boys, and has started pursuing new interests, such as gourmet cooking.

If None of These Are Options

Perhaps your work schedule is too demanding, or your company is just too inflexible to consider giving you a break. Even if none of the above options will work, you can still find ways to make time for your family. Some ideas: Instead of using weekends as couch time, go for walks together. Go to a playground (indoor or outdoor) or to the park. Going out to dinner (or for dessert!) can also get the family together. A picnic doesn’t have to be at a park; it can be a fun change to picnic in the backyard or even in the living room (if the TV is off). Pursue a common interest or hobby with your family, such as bicycling, skiing or stamp collecting. Set aside time each weekend for a special family activity that gets everyone involved.

While quality of time is important, quantity of time is just as critical to raising a family. The challenge for parents is to find the best possible mix between quality and quantity, and to make choices that benefit moms, dads and the children.

Adapted from: Family Health Alliance

Sometimes one of you, acting alone, can make all the difference in creating a successful relationship.

Conflicts and periods of doubt can arise in even the strongest of relationships. Two people who attempt to create a relationship always bring their own issues, backgrounds, expectations, personalities, and inner difficulties into the interplay that occurs between them. It is not at all unusual that the two people might find themselves, at times, in a deadlock. They see no way to break the impasse and to recapture the spirit of good will that they once had and would like to have again. Each party’s personal conflicts come into play and stifle the communication, sharing and love that seems necessary to harmonious interaction. Rather than confronting our own part in the problem, we may resort to blaming our partner—”If only she (or he) would change, then we could be happy.”

While it is ideal for the two partners to agree mutually that there is a problem that needs to be confronted and to show an equal amount of motivation in solving the problem in relationship therapy, this goal is not always achievable. The reality of the situation is that one of the partners may not be ready to work on the problem—and the reason for this may be perfectly valid. For example, one partner may fear that working on the relationship could bring up other problems. Or one of the partners may feel inadequate in talking about relationship issues and may have fears of being attacked if he or she were to try relationship therapy (although this is, in reality, a highly unlikely event). Or perhaps the partner feels unable to make the changes, which have been called for in the past. Commonly, one of the partners just doesn’t see that there is a problem, and therefore fails to see his Whatever the reason, there are times when one partner is simply not ready to work mutually on the relationship. This is a fact which must be accepted. But it does not mean that the relationship is doomed. Rather than condemning our partner for his or her inability to work on the relationship, it is far more productive to show respect for our partner’s view and to take matters for bettering the relationship into our own hands. There is a great deal that one partner, acting alone, can do to create a relationship which is happier and more fulfilling for both parties.

Working alone on a relationship problem can mean that we have to take a look at our own issues and our contribution to the difficulties with our partner. While this challenge is not always easy, the payoff in terms of our own emotional wellness can be enormous, both for our own future personal happiness and for the success of our relationship. Working solo on a relationship may mean coming to terms with the anger we have fostered (perhaps for years), taking responsibility for our own happiness, breaking out of our old ways of seeing the world, changing our expectations about how we should live everyday, and accepting the good in our relationship as being good enough. It may mean letting go of some of our most entrenched behaviors. We may even find that letting go can bring us tremendous rewards that we never expected.

Think of a relationship as a system with two parts, which strives to achieve balance. It can be compared to a seesaw. When one of the partners makes a shift, the other partner has to make a comparable shift to maintain the balance. This often works negatively. For example, if Chris reminds Michael to take out the trash, Michael, feeling controlled, might back off and stop communicating. In turn, Chris then criticizes Michael even further for breaking off communication—and Michael retreats even further. A balance is achieved in this case with a pattern of blame and withdrawal. How can the balance shift in a more positive direction? Or her contribution to the difficulties.

Chris might decide to stop reminding Michael to take out the trash. In fact, Chris starts taking out the trash. Michael does not feel controlled in this case and has no need to break off communication. Showing appreciation to Chris for doing this chore, Michael starts taking out the trash. Both parties win in this case, and a positive balance is achieved in the relationship. (Of course, this could backfire on Chris, who may end up taking out the trash all the time. But at least the old pattern is broken, communication now has a chance to succeed, and Chris can assess whether it is more important to maintain the relationship with new ground rules, even though it is flawed and far from ideal, or to continue the old pattern of blame and withdrawal.)

Here are some ways that one party, working alone, can improve a relationship:

Take Care of Your Own Needs

We often look to our partner to provide for our needs, and this can be a big mistake. People, whether they are in a relationship or not, need to function in a whole and complete manner. The best relationships are generally those in which two healthy and fully functioning adults come together and enhance each other with love, support, trust and nurturance. They appreciate the gestures of love that they receive from their partner, but they would be able to live full and complete lives even if they were not in a relationship.

We sometimes think that the two people should give equally to the relationship in order to achieve a balance—but it may be more productive to see the balance in a different way. Think instead about achieving a balance within yourself, so that the question becomes one of deciding how much to give to the relationship and how much to give to yourself. There are some things that you may want and which you can provide for yourself. You see these things as non-negotiable.

For example, if your partner is always late for social events and you find this unacceptable, try going once alone—and the next time your partner will probably be ready on time. If your partner feels threatened by this, gets angry and starts an argument, try showing some empathy and decisiveness. Don’t participate in the argument. Simply say that you understand your partner’s feelings, but that this is something which is very important to you and you have decided to do it. It does not mean that you are rejecting or abandoning your partner, but it does mean that you are asserting yourself in a healthy way and taking care of your own needs. A simple act of assertiveness can often break a destructive pattern of mutual neediness.

Do the Exact Opposite of What You Have Been Doing

Each partner in a relationship plays a role. It is important to identify the role that each of you plays and then try to make a change. One way of accomplishing this is to identify your role and then do the exact opposite.

This takes courage, because of fear that abandoning our previous role will only make the problem worse. In truth, however, changing this role will compel your partner to make a change as well, a change, which may enhance the relationship. For example, Joan complains that Jeff plays golf all the time and doesn’t have time for her. Joan plays the role of the one who nags and Jeff plays the role of the one who rebels by playing golf.

If Joan were to change her role from nagging to supporting, Jeff might make a change from rebelling to cooperating. Joan could learn to play golf herself, ask Jeff about his day on the course, and buy him some golf-related gifts. She could also cultivate her own interests. Jeff, in turn, realizing that Joan is now doing the exact opposite of what she had been doing, will no longer feel that he has to rebel against her. Because she shows support for his interests, he will then reciprocate by showing more concern for her needs. People respond much more readily to support than to criticism. The old destructive pattern has now been broken and each partner is now free both to pursue their own needs and to give to the other.

Relax Your Definitions of Power Struggle

When we are involved in a relationship conflict we often resort to all-or-nothing thinking, and it is difficult to think outside of this box—”I am right and my partner is wrong.” The more you insist on your point of view, the more your partner defends his or her position. The two opposing ways of thinking become entrenched. It is helpful to defuse the situation by trying to develop empathy for your partner’s point of view and by relaxing the sense of urgency you have about your own views. The following thoughts can help to increase the flexibility of your thinking: “My partner is just being herself. She means no harm. She’s trying to do her best. I need to appreciate her just the way she is. I need to stop trying to change her or to convince her that I am right.” When you try to get your partner to see things the way you do, you are actually searching for love and closeness.

You want complete support, a partner who can affirm your way of thinking. Understand, though, that this is exactly what your partner is searching for too.

Try to empathize with your partner’s view, and this can open the door to the closeness you want. You may feel an urgency or anxiety about asserting your own view. You don’t have to abandon your views, but you can work on the anxiety you feel about affirming your views. It helps to take a live-and-let-live approach to your struggle. Relax—and trust that things will work out well. And they often do.

Ask Your Partner to Help You Solve Your Problem

Rather than blaming your partner and creating an air of defensiveness, try reframing the problem. Make it clear that you are the one having the difficulty, and ask for your partner’s help in solving your problem. For example, instead of blaming your partner for spending too much money, it might be more helpful to find a good time to have a talk about how you feel very vulnerable financially—and then enlist your partner’s support in finding ways for you to feel more financially secure. You will find that taking ownership of the problem yourself can bring you much more support and closeness within the relationship. You can help create the conditions where your partner has an opportunity to rise to the occasion rather than feel blamed because your needs are not being met.

Working alone on your relationship means working on yourself. By making a shift in how you define your own sense of self, thoughts and feelings, you can help create the conditions which bring your relationship into a state of mutual harmony, support and love. A trained professional therapist can help you identify and modify patterns in the way you approach your relationship. The rewards can be immeasurable—for both you and your partner.

Is it Fair that I Have to do All the Work and the Relationship?

No, it is not fair—but that’s all right. Consider the alternatives. You can stay in a deadlocked relationship if you choose, but then each partner loses the potential benefits that can come from a healthier and more supportive commitment. Or you can let the relationship dissolve completely. This may be a viable option if the situation is intolerable, abusive, or completely mismatched. However, if there is a chance that the relationship can work, it is worth trying different approaches, which have not been considered in the past. After all, ending a relationship before considering alternatives may represent an absence of fairness and a potential source of regret in the future.

When considering the idea of fairness, remember that many things in life are not fair. Illness, financial setbacks, and grievous losses come to the best of people. Even if there were complete equality between you and your partner, there is no assurance that the problems in your relationship would be solved. Part of the human condition is to persist even when circumstances are not ideal.

Your partner may lack the ability to provide equal input into solving the problems of your relationship. This is something worthy of acceptance. It is not ideal, but it is reality. Sometimes the strength and courage of one person is needed to compensate for the shortcomings of another.

The real test of fairness is to question whether you are creating the best life you can. In any relationship, we need to provide a balance, not necessarily between the two partners, but on the dimension of balancing your own needs against the needs of the relationship. The source of your happiness lies within and is derived from your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual strengths. Working on these factors within yourself puts you into a firm position to attend to the demands of your relationship.

A relationship requires flexibility, effective communication, some hard work, and a lot of good will. When we feel complete within, we are in a strong position to create the conditions, which can lead to a healthy and thriving relationship. Perhaps there is some truth in the old saying that it is only when we love ourselves that we can truly love another.

When there is intolerable and unresolved tension between you and your spouse and you have tried unsuccessfully to work things out, divorce is sometimes the only solution. Most often, at least one parent relocates and everyone is put in a changing situation. Not only will you and your spouse have a hard time coping with divorce, your children will as well.

The Dilemma

• Relationships with your children still need attention and nurturing.
• Many children can adjust to the divorce.
• Other children have a slow recovery because they have angry leftover feelings.
• Communication with your children is essential to helping them cope with the changes.

Tell the Truth

• Honesty is the best policy.
• Putting off discussion of impending divorce is not healthy.
• Children most likely know that something is happening.
• The truth is the best way for them to understand and deal with reality.
• If possible, have both mom and dad talk to the children together.
• Adjustment time is needed before separation occurs.
• Children’s questions should be answered honestly, without lies and unfulfilled promises.

Resolve Critical Issues

• Have any critical family issues resolved before telling your children about future separation and divorce.
• Discuss custody, visitation, and financial matters alone with your spouse before telling your children. These issues will undoubtedly be difficult to discuss.
• Answer your childrens questions about how they will be affected by the separation and divorce. This will help them to adjust better and more quickly.

Comfort Your Children

• Prepare yourself for denial, anger, neediness, and depression.
• Realize that these are normal stages for children to go through before they can accept separation and divorce.
• Understand that they will still feel sad and wish things were back to the way they were.
• Remember that you cannot make them feel any differently.
• Listen to them and accept their feelings.
• Let them know that they are not responsible for the divorce.

Keeping Your Childrens Interests in Mind

• Do not use children as negotiation tools or go-betweens.
• Keep the best interests of your children in mind.
• Do not criticize your child’s other parent in front of the child
• Stay involved in your children’s lives and keep in touch with them.
• Explain to your children that they will not be permanently separated from you and the other parent.
• Let them know that they can still see you.
• Seek support groups for your children.
• Have them see counselors at school in individual or group sessions.

Keeping Your Interests in Mind

• Stay healthy.
• Take care of yourself and your children.
• Spend quality alone time as well as time with your children.

Children and Remarriage

• Remarriage and blended families are often the result of a previous divorce.
• An adjustment period may take as long as five years before everyone is comfortable.
• Expect some difficulties along the way.
• Stepparents and stepchildren should be accepted as they are.
• Shared interests and skills can help build healthy relationships.
• Relationships will be able to grow on their own.
• Every family member should receive attention regularly.

Over time children can cope well with divorce. Do not expect tremendous results in their adjustment right away, and welcome any new questions or uncertainties they have. Contact your therapist or your childs guidance counselor for further assistance.

Everyone has dreams of how they’d like to spend their retirement years. Whether your dreams involve travel or just staying at home enjoying a hobby or grandchildren, you must plan ahead. Without planning, your dreams may remain unrealized.

A Lifelong Process

Retirement planning should start when you are young. The kind of life you lead during your working years will have a good deal to do with how healthy you’ll be at retirement age. Smoking and excessive drinking take a toll on your body. Stop, reduce, or never start. Exercise contributes to your body’s health. Consult your doctor and slowly begin an exercise program

Keep your mind sharp; try to learn something new each day. Being socially active will also help. A wide circle of friends of different ages provides stimulation and keeps you from becoming isolated. New hobbies, volunteer work, clubs and social groups can keep you socially involved and emotionally sound.

Budgeting and saving should begin early in life. Social Security and pensions alone won’t give you the financial freedom you’ll desire. Financial planners generally suggest that your combined income from Social Security, pension and investment earnings be equal to about 75 percent of your pre-retirement income. Learn about the various investment opportunities and develop a plan to build a nest egg. Before retiring, you should carefully examine the benefits available from Medicare and supplemental insurance to make sure you choose the best option for you. You will also need an up-to-date will, powers of attorney for health care and finances, and a living will.

Determine Your Wants and Needs

Closer to retirement, you should start thinking about where you’ll want to live. Would you prefer to keep your current home or move to a smaller residence? Do you want to rent or buy? Would you consider a retirement community? Do you want to live near family or friends or would you rather move to a warmer climate? Once you’re situated, how are you going to stay involved with others? Retirement means leaving a job, it doesn’t mean withdrawing from life. The novelty of inactivity wears off quickly and boredom becomes a danger to your mental and physical health. Finding an outlet for your interests and energies is a very important part of a healthy retirement.

Getting Professional Assistance

To plan the best course of action, you should take steps to educate yourself. Expert guidance on how to utilize your resources wisely will also be helpful. Sign up for retirement planning classes or workshops. Check with Social Security to find out how your retirement age affects your benefit, how and when to apply, and to get an estimate of your monthly check. An accountant or financial planner can advise you on how to protect your financial resources against unnecessary taxation. Check with your company’s human resources department to learn about any work-related benefits.

Each year, thousands of older Americans fall at home. Many of them are seriously injured, and some are disabled. In 1996, more than 8,500 people over age 65 died because of falls.

Falls are often due to hazards that are easy to overlook but easy to fix. This checklist will help you find and fix those hazards in your home.

The checklist asks about hazards found in each room of your home. For each hazard, the checklist tells you how to fix the problem. At the end of the checklist, you will find other tips for preventing falls.

Floors

Look at the floor in each room.

• When you walk through a room, do you have to walk around furniture?
  Ask someone to move the furniture so your path is clear.

• Do you have throw rugs on the floor?
  Remove the rugs or use double-sided tape or a non-slip backing so the rugs won’t slip.

• Are papers, magazines, books, shoes, boxes, blankets, towels, or other objects on the floor?
  Pick up things that are on the floor. Always keep objects off the floor.

• Do you have to walk over or around cords or wires (like cords from lamps, extension cords, or telephone cords)?
  Coil or tape cords and wires next to the wall so you can’t trip over them. Have an electrician put in another outlet.

Stairs and Steps

Look at the stairs you use both inside and outside your home.

• Are papers, shoes, books, or other objects on the stairs?
  Pick up things on the stairs. Always keep objects off the stairs.
• Are some steps broken or uneven?
  Fix loose or uneven steps.
• Are you missing a light over the stairway?
  Have a handyman or an electrician put in an overhead light at the top and bottom of the stairs.
• Has the stairway light bulb burned out?
  Have a friend or family member change the light bulb.
• Do you have only one light switch for your stairs (only at the top or at the bottom of the stairs)?
  Have a handyman or an electrician put in a light switch at the top and bottom of the stairs. You can get light switches that glow.

• Are the handrails loose or broken? Is there a handrail on only one side of the stairs?
  Fix loose handrails or put in new ones. Make sure handrails are on both sides of the stairs and are as long as the stairs.

• Is the carpet on the steps loose or torn?
  Make sure the carpet is firmly attached to every step or remove the carpet and attach non-slip rubber treads on the stairs.

Kitchens

Look at your kitchen and eating area.

• Are the things you use often on high shelves?
  Move items in your cabinets. Keep things you use often on the lower shelves (about waist high).
• Is your step stool unsteady?
  Get a new, steady step stool with a bar to hold on to. Never use a chair as a step stool.

Bedrooms

Look at all your bedrooms.

• Is the light near the bed hard to reach?
  Place a lamp close to the bed where it is easy to reach.

• Is the path from your bed to the bathroom dark?
  Put in a night-light so you can see where you’re walking. Some night-lights go on by themselves after dark.

Bathrooms

Look at all your bathrooms.

• Is the tub or shower floor slippery?
  Put a non-slip rubber mat or self- stick strips on the floor of the tub or shower.
• Do you have some support when you get in and out of the tub or up from the toilet?
  Have a handyman or a carpenter put in a grab bar inside the tub and next to the toilet.

Other Things You Can Do to Prevent Falls

Exercise regularly. Exercise makes you stronger and improves your balance and coordination.

• Have your doctor or pharmacist look at all the medicines you take, even over-the-counter medicines. Some medicines can make you sleepy or dizzy.
• Have your vision checked at least once a year by an eye doctor. Poor vision can increase your risk of falling.
• Get up slowly after you sit or lie down
• Wear sturdy shoes with thin, non-slip soles. Avoid slippers and running shoes with thick soles.
• Improve the lighting in your home. Use brighter light bulbs (at least 60 watts). Use lamp shades or frosted bulbs to reduce glare.
• Use reflecting tape at the top and bottom of the stairs so you can see them better.
• Paint doorsills a different color to prevent tripping

Other Safety Tips

• Keep emergency numbers in large print near each phone.
• Put a phone near the floor in case you fall and can’t get up.
• Think about wearing an alarm device that will bring help in case you fall and can’t get up.

Source: The National Center for Injury Prevention and Control

You may have mixed feelings about your eventual retirement. You can start now to replace some of your fears with positive action. While the average person lives about 15 years in retirement, many live 20 or more. To keep your golden years shining, you’ll want to do your best to maintain good health and happiness.

Longevity Secrets

There appears to be a number of common traits among people who live long lives. They are physically active, eat a healthy diet, work hard but manage their stress well, follow their body’s signals and warning signs, don’t abuse alcohol or drugs, are optimistic, spiritual, social, and intellectually active. They also tend to live orderly lives, not to be worriers, enjoy humor, and have a sense of purpose in life. They are young-at-heart and still feel they have something to contribute.

Use This Time Wisely

You can best live a long and healthy retirement by developing good habits right now. Your diet should be low in fat, salt and sugar, and higher in fiber, low-fat dairy products, fruits, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates. Exercise has health benefits and an active lifestyle can spur your social life. A full social life with family and friends is one of retirements greatest rewards.

Retirement is a good time to develop your skills and talents, to take on a new hobby, or to complete projects for which you previously did not have time. Try sculpting, learn to play the piano or start a journal. Donate your time and efforts as a volunteer to organizations that are in need. You will enjoy the challenges and the accomplishments and you may develop a wonderful gift that you can share with others.

Dealing with Your Fears

Should retirement cause you undue stress, it is a good idea to seek professional help. You may need help in accepting your situation, making changes, or adjusting to the loss of a loved one. Unhappiness and depression is not a normal reaction to retirement. Counseling may help to brighten your golden years.

May is Older Americans Month, a time to acknowledge the past and present contributions of our older generation. The experience, skills, and wisdom of older volunteers and employees are invaluable and often the backbone of community-based services. Additionally, older adults frequently provide financial and emotional support to family members.In our society, the term aging can unfortunately have negative connotations. False assumptions about the later years of life may negatively influence how we view our own aging, as well as, the manner in which we relate to older people.

Answer these following statements with either true or false and compare your beliefs about aging with the answers listed at the bottom of the page.

1. Personality changes with age.

2. Many older adults can learn as well as younger people.

3. Older people are rigid and unaccepting of change.

4. As people age, memory loss is inevitable.

5. Older people are less afraid of death than younger people.

6. Many older people find the later years to be a satisfying and rewarding time in life.

7. Religion becomes more important to people as they age.

8. Many older adults are financially secure due to pension plans, Social Security, Medicare, and other government programs.

9. Medications are absorbed and metabolized in older adults the same way as younger people.

10. The majority of older adults live in nursing homes.

11. Medicare pays for most prescriptions, in-home, and long-term nursing care expenses.

Answers:1) F 2) T 3) F 4) F 5) T 6) T 7) F F 9) F 10) F 11) F

One of the most difficult challenges of our busy lives is finding the right balance between caring for yourself and caring for others. Women in particular often neglect their own needs in service to their children, their spouses, and their community. On the other hand, focusing entirely on yourself will likely result in loneliness and a lack of fulfillment.

Fulfilling Your Own Needs

In order to find the right balance, you should first examine how well you’re meeting your own physical and emotional needs. Answer the following questions.

Physical

• Do you eat three, well-balanced meals a day?
• Do you avoid excessive use of caffeine, drugs and alcohol?
• Do you take time out to exercise each week?
• Do you get a yearly check-up?

Emotional

• Do you set aside quiet time to read, relax or meditate?
• Do you communicate your feelings to people close to you?
• Do you engage in religious or spiritual activities?

If you have a hard time answering “yes” to these questions, it’s time to scale back on your outside commitments and refocus your attention inward.

Fulfilling Others Needs

While it’s important to tend to yourself, reaching out to others is what gives meaning and fulfillment to life. Out of necessity we usually care for our children’s physical and emotional needs, but what about others in the community? Here are some ways you can reach out to people beyond your immediate circle.

Community Service

• Become an active member of your church, synagogue or mosque.
• Take time to listen to a co-worker whos going through a difficult time.
• Volunteer at your child’s school or local Y.
• Stay in touch with local and world events so you can be an informed citizen.

It may be helpful to keep a journal of your activities for a few weeks so you can objectively see how much time you’re devoting to self and to others. Then you can make minor adjustments until you’re back in balance. Remember to stay flexible-as life’s circumstances change, you may need to readjust your priorities.