The ideal family you may have once imagined can take on a dramatic twist if you or your partner has children from previous marriages. Blending two separate groups into one family unit may not go as smoothly as the experiences of the Brady Bunch. There will likely be conflicts about money and discipline practices, and jealousy will very likely result. To make the transition easier for everyone, you and your partner need to understand how children might feel in this type of situation.

Treat Children as Individuals

If you’re going to make the blended family work, you have to look at children as the individuals they are. Spending time with each child alone and getting to know him or her as an individual will gain you respect in return.

Take Loyalty into Consideration

Your stepchildren’s loyalty will be primarily to their parents. They might even feel that they’re being disloyal by liking you. Try not to speak negatively about either parent, even if what you’re saying is true. The children will hold it against you and it may shut down communication.

Start Fresh

Establishing the blended family as a new unit can be a little easier if you begin your new life together in new surroundings. By creating a new enviornment — either rearranging a current home, or even painting it in new colors — you can help everyone start off on equal footing. Be aware that while these approaches can work very well for younger children, older ones may react negatively.

Not in Front of the Kids

Practical matters can disguise emotional issues. Discuss parenting differences privately with your partner. Don’t argue in front of the children. If differences are unable to be resolved, talk with a neutral third party such as a family counselor.

Be Realistic

Anticipate that the transition to a new family will be difficult for children. Try not to expect too much from them, especially in the beginning.