Each individuals thought patterns work in different ways. Consider two employees, both of whom are reprimanded by their boss for not completing an assigned project by the deadline date. Employee One’s response was: “What does he think I am a slave? I can’t cope with these demands.” Employee Two’s response was completely different: “I messed up, and I feel bad about it. But I think I can figure out how this project got behind schedule so that it won’t happen again.”

What made the difference in the response from each employee, based on the same stimulus? Most of us think of our response as a direct result of an activating event outside of ourselves in this case, a criticism from the boss. It is essential to realize that our thoughts also play a major role in our response. The sequence begins with an activating event, such as the criticism, and ends with our behavior. In between are our thoughts about ourselves.

Most of the time our thoughts are hidden from others as well as ourselves. Take a moment to consider how your thoughts about yourself influence your behavior. If the influence appears to be negative, you can begin to change the way you think.

Each of us has an inner voice that controls our responses to various events. Learning to listen to your inner voice can give you insight into the way you respond. Many people who are burdened by stress have an inner feeling that they have no control over the events in their lives. Employee One found the boss’s reprimand stressful because she felt that she was inadequate to do the expected task. Employee Two saw the incident as something she could learn from and use to initiate change. The next time your stomach begins churning over work-related stress, stop to consider what role your own thoughts are playing.

Non-productive way of thinking:

• People take advantage of me.
• My supervisor doesn’t like me.
• I’m not smart enough.
• I’m not fast enough.

Productive way of thinking:

• I have the right to say no.
• My supervisor depends on me to do my job efficiently.
• I can learn new skills and techniques.
• Sometimes there’s more work than anyone can handle.

Changing from non-productive to productive views of yourself will do much to improve your responses to criticism and challenges.