There Are Ways to Cope with Painful Loss

When you suffer any kind of serious loss, your natural response is grief. This is a perfectly healthy and normal way of dealing with the situation. Many people deal effectively with their grief and reach a peaceful acceptance. But for others, the loss is too much for them to deal with. They don’t feel capable of ever coming to terms with their loss and can become stuck in their grief. This is dangerous to a person’s emotional and physical health. Chronic grief may manifest itself through depression, despair, accidents, or abuse of alcohol and other drugs. Unless a person is able to reach a level of acceptance, he is at risk of lowered immunity to illnesses, bouts of physical violence or rage and, potentially, suicide. There are ways you can work through the grieving process and emerge with peace of mind. Here are some of them:

• Put off doing other stressful or uncomfortable things for the time being. Focus on one obstacle at a time.

• Set small goals you can realistically achieve.

• Talk about your loss, out loud to yourself or to a trusted friend. Sometimes, just hearing yourself talk can help release your hurt, angry, or sad emotions.

• Don’t try or expect to feel a certain way just allow yourself to experience the wide range of emotions that accompany loss.

• Cater to your physical and mental health by eating right, exercising, drinking lots of water, and sleeping 8 hours a night.

• Avoid isolating yourself from family and friends. Force yourself to get together even if you don’t feel like it.

• Avoid getting discouraged if the same issues and memories reappear. Remember that grief is cyclical.

• Allow your grief to run its course. You will go through many peaks and valleys until you get to the ultimate goal of serenity. If you need help on your journey, seek professional counseling. A therapist can help you voice your grief and gain the strength to continue on a new path towards happiness.

Sure, everybody feels sad or blue now and then. But if you’re sad most of the time, and it’s giving you problems with:

• your grades or attendance at school
• your relationships with your family and friends
• alcohol, drugs, or sex
• controlling your behavior in other ways

the problem may be DEPRESSION.

The good news is that you can get treatment and feel better soon. Approximately 4% of adolescents get seriously depressed each year. Clinical depression is a serious illness that can affect anybody, including teenagers. It can affect your thoughts, feelings, behavior, and overall health.

Most people with depression can be helped with treatment. But a majority of depressed people never get the help they need. And, when depression isn’t treated, it can get worse, last longer, and prevent you from getting the most out of this important time in your life.

So….Listen Up:

Here’s how to tell if you or a friend might be depressed.

First, there are two kinds of depressive illness: the sad kind, called major depression, and manic-depression or bipolar disorder, when feeling down and depressed alternates with being speeded-up and sometimes reckless.

You should get evaluated by a professional if you’ve had five or more of the following symptoms for more than two weeks or if any of these symptoms cause such a big change that you can’t keep up your usual routine…..

When You’re Depressed…

• You feel sad or cry a lot and it doesn’t go away.
• You feel guilty for no reason; you feel like you’re no good; you’ve lost your confidence.
• Life seems meaningless or like nothing good is ever going to happen again. You have a negative attitude a lot of the time, or it seems like you have no feelings.
• You don’t feel like doing a lot of the things you used to like – like music, sports, being with friends, going out – and you want to be left alone most of the time.
• It’s hard to make up your mind. You forget lots of things, and it’s hard to concentrate.
• You get irritated often. Little things make you lose your temper; you over-react.
• Your sleep pattern changes; you start sleeping a lot more or you have trouble falling asleep at night. Or you wake up really early most mornings and can’t get back to sleep.
• Your eating pattern changes; you’ve lost your appetite or you eat a lot more.
• You feel restless and tired most of the time.
• You think about death, or feel like you’re dying, or have thoughts about committing suicide.

When You’re Manic…

• You feel high as a kite…like you’re “on top of the world.”
• You get unreal ideas about the great things you can do…things that you really can’t do.
• Thoughts go racing through your head, you jump from one subject to another, and you talk a lot.
• You’re a non-stop party, constantly running around.
• You do too many wild or risky things: with driving, with spending money, with sex, etc.
• You’re so “up” that you don’t need much sleep.
• You’re rebellious or irritable and can’t get along at home or school, or with your friends.

Talk to Someone

• If you are concerned about depression in yourself or a friend, TALK TO SOMEONE about it. There are people who can help you get treatment:
• a professional at a mental health center or Mental Health Association
• a trusted family member
• your family doctor
• your clergy
• a school counselor or nurse
• a social worker
• a responsible adult

Or, if you don’t know where to turn, the telephone directory or information operator should have phone numbers for a local hotline or mental health services or referrals.

Depression can affect people of any age, race, ethnic or economic group.

Let’s Get Serious Here

Having depression doesn’t mean that a person is weak, or a failure, or isn’t really trying…it means they need treatment.

Most people with depression can be helped with psychotherapy, medicine, or both together.

Short-term psychotherapy, means talking about feelings with a trained professional who can help you change the relationships, thoughts, or behaviors that contribute to depression.

Medication has been developed that effectively treats depression that is severe or disabling. Antidepressant medications are not “uppers” and are not addictive. Sometimes, several types may have to be tried before you and your doctor find the one that works best.

Treatment can help most depressed people start to feel better in just a few weeks.

So remember, when your problems seem too big and you’re feeling low for too long, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There’s help out there and you can ask for help. And if you know someone who you think is depressed, you can help: Listen and encourage your friend to ask a parent or responsible adult about treatment. If your friend doesn’t ask for help soon, talk to an adult you trust and respect — especially if your friend mentions suicide.

What You Need to Know About Suicide…

Most people who are depressed do not commit suicide. But depression increases the risk for suicide or suicide attempts. It is not true that people who talk about suicide do not attempt it. Suicidal thoughts, remarks, or attempts are ALWAYS SERIOUS…if any of these happen to you or a friend, you must tell a responsible adult IMMEDIATELY…it’s better to be safe than sorry….

Why Do People Get Depressed?

Sometimes people get seriously depressed after something like a divorce in the family, major financial problems, someone you love dying, a messed up home life, or breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Other times – like with other illnesses – depression just happens. Often teenagers react to the pain of depression by getting into trouble: trouble with alcohol, drugs, or sex; trouble with school or bad grades; problems with family or friends. This is another reason why it’s important to get treatment for depression before it leads to other trouble.

Depression and Alcohol and Other Drugs

A lot of depressed people, especially teenagers, also have problems with alcohol or other drugs. (Alcohol is a drug, too.) Sometimes the depression comes first and people try drugs as a way to escape it. (In the long run, drugs or alcohol just make things worse!) Other times, the alcohol or other drug use comes first, and depression is caused by:

• the drug itself, or
• withdrawal from it, or
• the problems that substance use causes.

And sometimes you can’t tell which came first…the important point is that when you have both of these problems, the sooner you get treatment, the better. Either problem can make the other worse and lead to bigger trouble, like addiction or flunking school. You need to be honest about both problems — first with yourself and then with someone who can help you get into treatment…it’s the only way to really get better and stay better.

Depression is a real medical illness and it’s treatable.

Be Able to Tell Fact From Fiction

Myths about depression often prevent people from doing the right thing. Some common myths are:

Myth: It’s normal for teenagers to be moody; teens dont suffer from real depression.
FACT: Depression is more than just being moody, and it can affect people at any age, including teenagers.

Myth: Telling an adult that a friend might be depressed is betraying a trust. If someone wants help, he or she will get it.
FACT: Depression, which saps energy and self-esteem, interferes with a person’s ability or wish to get help. It is an act of true friendship to share your concerns with an adult who can help.

Myth: Talking about depression only makes it worse.
FACT: Talking through feelings with a good friend is often a helpful first step. Friendship, concern, and support can provide the encouragement to talk to a parent or other trusted adult about getting evaluated for depression.

Source: The National Institute of Mental Health

How you see yourself as a person forms your self-esteem and affects the choices you make in life. Although the opinions of your family and friends, your appearance, your abilities and talents all influence your self-esteem, you can do more than anyone to support yourself and your view of yourself. To become your own best friend try to:

• Not dwell on past mistakes–just recognize them, correct them, and move on without blaming yourself
• Associate with people who are supportive of you and avoid those who constantly put you down
• Work towards a healthy lifestyle by exercising and making healthy food choices
• Accept new challenges by becoming more of a risk-taker, allowing yourself to work through anxieties and self-imposed limitations
• Listen to your own thoughts and cut out any negative self-talk; concentrate on giving yourself positive affirmations
• Recognize your talents and accomplishments and allow yourself to feel proud of them
• Express your views, but respect other opinions also
• Allow yourself rest, recreation, and quiet time and know that you deserve it
• Set reasonable goals for yourself and congratulate yourself when you achieve them

By becoming your own ardent advocate, your increased self-esteem will be evident to all!

Everybody talks about self-esteem, but what does it really mean? Self-esteem is defined as how you view yourself and the value you give yourself in the world. Many things influence how we see ourselves, including our family and friends, our abilities, our physical appearance, our belief system, and our living situation. We can think highly of ourselves or poorly, and our relative disposition can affect every thing that we do. Someone with low self-esteem may always be worried about what others will think, and therefore, will influence the choices that they make. On the other hand, someone with a lot of self-confidence will be more likely to take chances and achieve more personally and professionally.

Nurture Your Self-Esteem

If you are feeling bad about yourself, here are some suggestions to bolster your self-esteem.

• Listen to your own thoughts. Do you put yourself down or call yourself names? If so, stop the negative self-talk and, instead, try thinking and saying positive affirmations.
• Practice clear communication. Say what you mean, even if others might disagree. But remember to respect others opinions as well.
• Don’t beat yourself up for making a mistake. We’re all fallible. Once you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends, and then move on.
• Make a list of all your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to you. Write them down and read them aloud to yourself. If you need help with this, ask your closest friends or family members what they like about you.
• Surround yourself with supportive and upbeat people. Positive relationships will reflect and reinforce your own positive self-image. Stay away from people who constantly criticize others.
• Be good to yourself get enough rest, recreation, and quiet time. This will allow you to stay energized and put your best foot forward when you need to.
• Set short-term and long-term goals for yourself at work and at home. Working towards achieving a goal will give you purpose, and help you feel proud once you’ve achieved the end result.
• Accept new challenges. This could include volunteering to help with the company’s holiday party, running a marathon, or opening up to your significant other about your true feelings. Risk-taking sometimes helps you to work through fears and self-limitations.
• Don’t neglect yourself physically. When you are eating healthy and working out, you are bound to feel better about yourself. If you don’t like the way you look, work on changing it through diet and exercise.

Remember, don’t sell yourself short. We all have positive attributes and something to give back to society. Work on finding what your life purpose is and striving to achieve it.