While quality of time is important, quantity of time is just as critical to raising a family.

Now that there’s a baby, you’re no longer a couple; you’re a family! But competing schedules and obligations can make acting like a family a little difficult. These days, more and more dads are finding ways to shoulder the burdens — and joys — of parenthood. And you might not realize it, but a slight change in Dad’s work schedule can free up a lot of time to spend with the kids.

Many fathers opt for different lifestyles and alternative work schedules to spend more time with their families or reduce the amount of time their kids spend in daycare. Some men work early or late shifts, or work part time, and some have even become stay-at-home dads while Mom works. Here are some creative ways fathers are creating more family time.

The Compressed Work Week

Here’s an idea: Work more hours per day, and fewer days per week. One way to go about this is to work 40 hours in four days instead of five by working four 10-hour days. Another common schedule is working nine hours a day and having a day off every other week.

When our son Jordan was small, my husband, John, worked four 10-hour days a week, with Fridays off. I worked a four-day work week part time with Mondays off. That way, Jordan was in daycare only three days a week. John’s schedule is important to him. He has had his Fridays off for the last five years. He says, “I like having my Fridays off with the kids. It is a special bonding time with them.”

Alternative Shift Start Times

On this schedule, parents start work at different hours to minimize the amount of time the children are away from home. For example, one parent could start work at 6:00 a.m. and one at 9:00 a.m. The children are dropped off at the daycare by the parent who leaves later, and picked up by the parent who gets off work earlier. Juggle this the right way, and daycare is no longer a necessity.

Pat Ryan works from 7:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. His wife, Terri, leaves for work at 5:00 p.m. Although that doesn’t leave much time for the two of them during the week, Pat enjoys evenings with his sons Robby, 3, and Christopher, 2. Pat also reports another advantage: “When both parents are together, the kids tend to play us off each other. They are much better behaved when there is only one parent here.”

Part Time

If a father works less than 40 hours a week, the family might feel a little pinch in the pocketbook. But some families can handle it by making a conscious choice to live more simply. Many health-care positions are becoming part-time, giving workers more days off. Some positions are 24 hours a week (two 12-hour shifts), or 36 hours a week (three 12-hour shifts). While 12 hours is a long day, think of the flip-side: You’ll have four or five days off each week.

Working At Home

A telecommuter works at home on his own computer, connected to the company’s computer by modem. But this melds the workplace and home, and telecommuting might leave you just as unavailable to the kids as if you were working at the office. In fact, many telecommuters find that they need a babysitter in the home. There are advantages: being available to eat lunch with the children, saving time and saving money commuting to work. It may be less stressful than work at an office, and every day becomes casual day!

Become a Stay-at-Home Dad

This option might be more realistic than it seems. If you’re a father considering staying at home, examine your earning power as compared to your partner’s. Consider work attire (no need for power suits), as well as commuting costs (gas, wear-and-tear of the car, depreciation, extra insurance costs), daycare costs, and all the other expenses of working. Don’t forget to factor in stress! Many men find they are happier staying at home with their children. If you’re not sure, try it out by taking personal leave. Fathers may be guaranteed up to three months of personal leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act if their child is under a year old, newly adopted, or recently placed with the family as a foster child. (To see if you qualify or if the law applies to your company, check with your employer’s human resources department.)

When either parent switches to home after having a career, the transition can be tough. With paid employment, people tend to have confidence, structure and regular positive feedback from coworkers and management. It might be hard to function in an environment with little structure and a lack of positive feedback. Just transition slowly, and find support or playgroups that help you understand you’re not alone.

Dan Sherman is now a stay-at-home dad. As a painter, he often found work hard to come by, or requiring a long commute to the job site. Most of the time, his children were either in daycare or after-school care. Dan’s wife, Becki, had healthcare benefits, and her work as a computer programmer/analyst provided enough money for the family. So Dan decided to stay home with their two sons: Ben, 8, and Sammy, 4. One day a week, Sammy goes to a Montessori preschool. That gives Dan a needed break, and Sammy has a chance to interact with children his own age. The preschool also provides Dan with educational materials and helps in his new role as full-time father. Dan is enjoying being closer to the boys, and has started pursuing new interests, such as gourmet cooking.

If None of These Are Options

Perhaps your work schedule is too demanding, or your company is just too inflexible to consider giving you a break. Even if none of the above options will work, you can still find ways to make time for your family. Some ideas: Instead of using weekends as couch time, go for walks together. Go to a playground (indoor or outdoor) or to the park. Going out to dinner (or for dessert!) can also get the family together. A picnic doesn’t have to be at a park; it can be a fun change to picnic in the backyard or even in the living room (if the TV is off). Pursue a common interest or hobby with your family, such as bicycling, skiing or stamp collecting. Set aside time each weekend for a special family activity that gets everyone involved.

While quality of time is important, quantity of time is just as critical to raising a family. The challenge for parents is to find the best possible mix between quality and quantity, and to make choices that benefit moms, dads and the children.

Adapted from: Family Health Alliance

Self-Esteem Building Game

Have your child sit facing you, look into her eyes and ask her to tell you why she is a terrific person. Your child will hopefully respond by saying, “I’m terrific because…” for as long as she can keep going. Then switch roles and tell your child why you are terrific. Remember that parents with high self-esteem know how to build self-esteem in their children naturally, but this exercise will stimulate thinking by both parties. After you both have taken a turn, talk about it. How was it to hear those positive things about yourself? How was it to say those positive things about yourself? Was it difficult? Almost everybody enjoys listening to the wonderful adjectives the other person uses, but many are uncomfortable saying the things which are refreshing to hear. They have learned they shouldn’t brag or boast, but it really is okay to say good things about yourself.

Talk about Ways to Defuse Assaults to Self-Esteem

• Make a neutral remark. Say “Oh,” or “I see,” and leave it at that.
• Disagree. Realize that what they are saying is just their opinion, and you know better!
• Call a friend and vent to them!
• Confront gently. If a put-down hurts you, say “ouch” or “That’s not fair.”
• Ask “What do you mean by that?” which throws the responsibility back on the insult-giver and invites calm discussion.
• Leave. No one wants to be around those who are nasty or cruel, but be careful not to get in the habit of running away from your problems.
• Consider the source. Some people seem to wallow in negativity, so know their constant negativity has little to do with you.
• Use humor. A quick witty response can often diffuse the situation.
• Don’t take it personally. Maybe the person is having a bad day and the put-down has nothing to do with you. Instead of reacting, try to see what lies behind the barb.
• Use positive self-talk. Repeat, “No matter what you say or do to me, I am a worthwhile person.”
• Visualize yourself surrounded by a shieldan invisible bubble of protection. That way, no negative comments can penetrate.
• Give yourself a hug by hugging your child!
• Wearing a special piece of clothing or jewelry that has personal meaning can be a source of strength and power.
• Give permission to be different which helps those who are teased about clothes or hairstyles. Remind your children that they are unique and don’t have to act and dress like everyone else.

Through these various strategies, and the great ones which you will develop on your own, you should be able to help your children feel good about themselves and increase the positive energy in this world!

Strong self-esteem is the choice to respect, accept and love yourself completely. It is a commitment. It is the best gift you can give yourself, and your child. So what do you do first? Self-esteem begins with self-love, with accepting, respecting, and taking good care of yourself. That love spills over to your children, who learn to love themselves as well as you. Parents do this in a variety of ways:

Bonding

Through holding, nursing, eye contact and rocking, a newborn bonds quickly with parents or other caring adults. This most important human attachment is the foundation for trust, love, and healthy development of self-esteem.

Unconditional love

Self-esteem depends on unconditional love: love with respect, acceptance, appreciation, empathy, sensitivity and with no strings attached. Unconditional love means that regardless of what your child says and does, a parent loves him for who she is. Conditional love, on the other hand, manipulates behavior by saying, “I love you when/beacuse/if…” Children who receive only conditional love often try to earn love by becoming people pleasers; they don’t believe they are truly lovable people. As parents we need to encourage children to be themselves while guiding, supporting, and celebrating their growth, yet setting limits, protecting, and parenting responsibly. A child who receives unconditional love will know that his parent may be angry at the moment and may not like him very much right now, but the parent still loves him.

Letting Go

This is a gradual, orderly transfer of freedom and responsibility from parent to child, from birth to maturity. During this process children gain independence, confidence, and self-esteem. It helps for parents to have a good understanding of developmental guidelines so that children are allowed to be children, be silly when they want to be, yet accept limits and expectations so that they grow into self reliant adults.

Low self-esteem comes from:

• Love which is absent or, at best, conditional
• Disrespect
• Ridicule
• Sarcasm
• Extensive criticism
• Name-calling
• Humiliation
• Prejudice
• Rejection
• Being ignored
• Needs not being met
• Expectations out of kilter with developmental stages
• Excessive focus on appearance or performance
• Guilt, shame, resentment
• Physical, emotional or sexual abuse or exploitation

High Self-Esteem comes from:

• A feeling of connectedness, belonging, bonding
• Having needs met
• Being honored for uniqueness
• Acceptance, respect, love
• Receiving physical and emotional attention and care
• Being listened to and valued
• Feeling safe and secure
• Receiving encouragement, support, appreciation
• Authentic expression of feelings
• High but attainable expectations
• Competence, success, achievement
• Laughter and play
• A sense of connection with a Higher Power
• Gratitude
• Being healthy and fit
• Doing good and being good
• Having choices
• Personal and social responsibility
• Allowing and forgiving mistakes
• Pride in ones culture and heritage

When parents stop doing the things that lower self-esteem and do more and more of the things that raise self-esteem, family relations will improve. When parents use high self-esteem behaviorsappreciating, encouraging, listeningeveryones self-esteem increases. For better or worse, self-esteem is contagious, and families with high self-esteem have fun together! The essence of self-esteem is compassion for yourself and your children. With compassion you understand and accept yourself. When you make a mistake you forgive yourself. And you do the same thing for your family!