Self-Esteem Building Game

Have your child sit facing you, look into her eyes and ask her to tell you why she is a terrific person. Your child will hopefully respond by saying, “I’m terrific because…” for as long as she can keep going. Then switch roles and tell your child why you are terrific. Remember that parents with high self-esteem know how to build self-esteem in their children naturally, but this exercise will stimulate thinking by both parties. After you both have taken a turn, talk about it. How was it to hear those positive things about yourself? How was it to say those positive things about yourself? Was it difficult? Almost everybody enjoys listening to the wonderful adjectives the other person uses, but many are uncomfortable saying the things which are refreshing to hear. They have learned they shouldn’t brag or boast, but it really is okay to say good things about yourself.

Talk about Ways to Defuse Assaults to Self-Esteem

• Make a neutral remark. Say “Oh,” or “I see,” and leave it at that.
• Disagree. Realize that what they are saying is just their opinion, and you know better!
• Call a friend and vent to them!
• Confront gently. If a put-down hurts you, say “ouch” or “That’s not fair.”
• Ask “What do you mean by that?” which throws the responsibility back on the insult-giver and invites calm discussion.
• Leave. No one wants to be around those who are nasty or cruel, but be careful not to get in the habit of running away from your problems.
• Consider the source. Some people seem to wallow in negativity, so know their constant negativity has little to do with you.
• Use humor. A quick witty response can often diffuse the situation.
• Don’t take it personally. Maybe the person is having a bad day and the put-down has nothing to do with you. Instead of reacting, try to see what lies behind the barb.
• Use positive self-talk. Repeat, “No matter what you say or do to me, I am a worthwhile person.”
• Visualize yourself surrounded by a shieldan invisible bubble of protection. That way, no negative comments can penetrate.
• Give yourself a hug by hugging your child!
• Wearing a special piece of clothing or jewelry that has personal meaning can be a source of strength and power.
• Give permission to be different which helps those who are teased about clothes or hairstyles. Remind your children that they are unique and don’t have to act and dress like everyone else.

Through these various strategies, and the great ones which you will develop on your own, you should be able to help your children feel good about themselves and increase the positive energy in this world!

How You Can Boost Your Attitude

Understanding the voices in your head can have positive results if you know how to listen. Most people carry on a steady mental dialogue throughout the day. This is called self-talk, and your thoughts and actions are directly affected by it. While negative thoughts can lead to stress and poor outcomes, positive thoughts can keep your outlook upbeat and help you to be successful.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Self-talk is very much like a self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy happens when you think about an outcome in a certain way so much that you actually make it occur (or not). Often your self-talk reflects your upbringing and the self-esteem you have as an adult. When your self-talk is positive, “I know I can do the job,” you are encouraging yourself to succeed and, chances are, you will. When your self-talk is negative, “I’m not smart enough to be a supervisor,” you’re giving up on yourself and chances are, you won’t even try.

Best Friend or Worst Enemy

You can be your own best friend or worst enemy, depending on your self-talk. If you think you can get the job, you will be more likely to apply and show confidence in yourself, giving you a chance at success. But if you say to yourself, I’ll never get hired for that job, you probably won’t apply, guaranteeing that you won’t get the position.

Effects on Body and Mind

Emotional distress can be created by self-talk that is negative. It can also influence you to behave in self-destructive ways (No one cares, so why shouldn’t I smoke?). Positive self-talk can have the opposite effect, leading to more success and happiness.

Change Your Responses

You can learn to rewrite your self-talk script. One good way is to use pencil and paper to note your automatic self-talk responses. List several things you would like to happen (buy a new car, try for that promotion). Then, close your eyes, listen to your reactions to each item, and write them down (I can probably get a loan, I’m not sure I can do the job). For the negative responses, write down a thought that is positive (I can learn that job with some extra effort). Practice positive self-talk and you will be more confident and optimistic.