What Are Normal Changes?

Normal aging brings physical changes in both men and women. These changes sometimes affect ones ability to have and enjoy sex with another person.

Some women enjoy sex more as they grow older. After menopause or a hysterectomy, they may no longer fear an unwanted pregnancy. They may feel freer to enjoy sex. Some women do not think things like gray hair and wrinkles make them less attractive to their sexual partner. But if a woman believes that looking young or being able to give birth makes her more feminine, she may begin to worry about how desirable she is no matter what her age is. That might make sex less enjoyable for her.

A woman may notice changes in her vagina. As she ages, her vagina shortens and narrows. The walls become thinner and also a little stiffer. These changes do not mean she can’t enjoy having sex. However, most women will also have less vaginal lubrication. This could affect sexual pleasure.

As men get older, impotence becomes more common. Impotence is the loss of ability to have and keep an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse. By age 65, about 15 to 25% of men have this problem at least one out of every four times they are having sex. This may happen in men with heart disease, high blood pressure, or diabetes either because of the disease or the medicines used to treat it.

A man may find it takes longer to get an erection. His erection may not be as firm or as large as it used to be. The amount of ejaculate may be smaller. The loss of erection after orgasm may happen more quickly, or it may take longer before an erection is again possible. Some men may find they need more foreplay.

What Causes Sexual Problems?

Illness, disability, or the drugs you take to treat a health problem can affect your ability to have and enjoy sex. But, even the most serious health problems usually dont have to stop you from having a satisfying sex life.

Arthritis. Joint pain due to arthritis can make sexual contact uncomfortable. Joint replacement surgery and drugs may relieve this pain. Exercise, rest, warm baths, and changing the position or timing of sexual activity can be helpful.

Chronic pain. In addition to arthritis, pain that continues for more than a month or comes back on and off over time can be caused by other bone and muscle conditions, shingles, poor blood circulation, or blood vessel problems. This discomfort can, in turn, lead to sleep problems, depression, isolation, and difficulty moving around. These can interfere with intimacy between older people. Chronic pain does not have to be part of growing older and can often be treated.

Diabetes. Many men with diabetes do not have sexual problems, but this is one of the few illnesses that can cause impotence. In most cases medical treatment can help.

Heart disease. Narrowing and hardening of the arteries known as arteriosclerosis can change blood vessels so that blood does not flow freely. This can lead to trouble with erections in men, as can high blood pressure (hypertension).

Some people who have had a heart attack are afraid that having sex will cause another attack. The chance of this is very low. Most people can start having sex again 3 to 6 weeks after their condition becomes stable following an attack, if their doctor agrees. Always follow your doctors advice.

Incontinence. Loss of bladder control or leaking of urine is more common as we grow older, especially in women. Stress incontinence happens during exercise, coughing, sneezing, or lifting, for example. Because of the extra pressure on your abdomen during sex, incontinence might cause some people to avoid sex. The good news is that this can usually be treated.

Stroke. The ability to have sex is rarely damaged by a stroke, but problems with erections are possible. It is unlikely that having sex will cause another stroke. Someone with weakness or paralysis caused by a stroke might try using different positions or medical devices to help them continue having sex.

What About Surgery and Drugs?

Surgery. Many of us worry about having any kind of surgeryit is especially troubling when the genital area is involved. Happily, most people do return to the kind of sex life they enjoyed before having surgery.

Hysterectomy is surgery to remove the uterus. It does not interfere with sexual functioning. If a hysterectomy seems to take away from a womans ability to enjoy sex, a counselor may be helpful. Men who feel their partners are “less feminine” after a hysterectomy may also be helped by counseling.

Mastectomy is surgery to remove all or part of a womans breast. Your body is as capable of sexual response as ever, but you may lose your sexual desire or sense of being desired. Sometimes it is useful to talk with other women who have had this surgery. Programs like the American Cancer Societys (ACS) “Reach to Recovery” can be helpful for both women and men. Rebuilding of the breast (reconstruction) is also a possibility to discuss with your surgeon.

About 1500 American men develop breast cancer each year. In them the disease can make their bodies make extra “female” hormones. These can greatly lower their sex drive.

Prostatectomy is surgery that removes all or part of a mans prostate. Sometimes this procedure is done because of an enlarged prostate. It may cause urinary incontinence or impotence. If removal of the prostate gland (radical prostatectomy) is needed, doctors can often save the nerves going to the penis. An erection may still be possible. Talk to your doctor before surgery to make sure you will be able to lead a fully satisfying sex life.

Medications. Some drugs can cause sexual problems. These include some blood pressure medicines, antihistamines, antidepressants, tranquilizers, appetite suppressants, diabetes drugs, and some ulcer drugs like ranitidine. Some can lead to impotence or make it hard for men to ejaculate. Some drugs can reduce a womans sexual desire. Check with your doctor. She or he can often prescribe a different drug without this side effect.

Alcohol. Too much alcohol can cause erection problems in men and delay orgasm in women.

Am I Too Old To Worry About Safe Sex?

Having safe sex is important for people at any age. As a woman gets closer to menopause, her periods may be irregular. But, she can still get pregnant. In fact, pregnancy is still possible until your doctor says you are past menopause and you have not had a menstrual period for 12 months.

Age does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Young people are most at risk for diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts, and trichomoniasis. But these diseases can and do happen in sexually active older people.

Almost anyone who is sexually active is also at risk for being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The number of older people with HIV/AIDS is growing. One out of every 10 people diagnosed with AIDS in the United States is over age 50. You are at risk if you have more than one sexual partner or are recently divorced or widowed and have started dating and having unprotected sex again. Always use a latex condom during sex, and talk to your doctor about ways to protect yourself from all sexually transmitted diseases. You are never too old to be at risk.

Can Emotions Play a Part?

Sexuality is often a delicate balance of emotional and physical issues. How you feel may affect what you are able to do. For example, men may fear that impotence will become a more common problem as they age. But, if you are too concerned with that possibility, you can cause enough stress to trigger impotence. A woman who is worried about how her looks are changing as she ages may think her partner will no longer find her attractive. This focus on youthful physical beauty may get in the way of her enjoyment of sex.

Older couples face the same daily stresses that affect people of any age. But they may also have the added concerns of age, illness, and retirement and other lifestyle changes. These worries can cause sexual difficulties. Talk openly with your doctor, or see a counselor. These health professionals can often help.

Don’t blame yourself for any sexual difficulties you and your partner are having. You might want to talk with a therapist about them. If your male partner is troubled by impotence or your female partner seems less interested in sex, don’t assume they dont find you attractive anymore. There can be many physical causes for their problems.

What Can I Do?

There are several things you can do on your own to keep an active sexual life. Remember that sex does not have to include intercourse. Make your partner a high priority. Pay attention to his or her needs and wants. Take time to understand the changes you both are facing. Try different positions and new times, like having sex in the morning when you both may have more energy. Dont hurryyou or your partner may need to spend more time touching to become fully aroused. Masturbation is a sexual activity that some older people, especially unmarried, widowed, or divorced people and those whose partners are ill or away, may find satisfying.

Some older people, especially women, may have trouble finding a partner with whom they can share any type of intimacy. Women live longer than men, so there are more of them. In 2000 women over age 65 outnumbered older men by 100 to 70. Doing activities that other seniors enjoy or going places where older people gather are ways to meet new people. Some ideas include mall walking, senior centers, adult education classes at a community college, or day trips sponsored by your city or county recreation department.

If you do seem to have a problem that affects your sex life, talk to your doctor. He or she can suggest a treatment depending on the type of problem and its cause. For example, the most common sexual difficulty of older women is dyspareunia, painful intercourse caused by poor vaginal lubrication. Your doctor or a pharmacist can suggest over-the-counter, water-based vaginal lubricants to use. Or, your doctor might suggest estrogen supplements or an estrogen vaginal insert.

If impotence is the problem, it can often be managed and perhaps even reversed. There is a pill that can help. It is called sildenafil and should not be taken by men taking medicines containing nitrates, such as nitroglycerin. This pill does have possible side effects. Other available treatments include vacuum devices, self-injection of a drug (either papaverine or prostaglandin E1), or penile implants.

There is a lot you can do to continue an active sex life. Follow a healthy lifestyle exercise, eat good food, drink plenty of fluids like water or juices, dont smoke, and avoid alcohol. Try to reduce the stress in your life. See your doctor regularly. And keep a positive outlook on life.

Source: The National Institute on Aging

Cost

Public schools cannot charge tuition. They are funded through federal, state and local taxes. When you pay your taxes, you are paying for your child’s education and the education of other children in your community.

Private schools cost money. Private schools do not receive tax revenues, but instead are funded through tuition, fundraising, donations and private grants. According to the 2001-2002 annual survey of the National Association of Independent Schools, the median tuition for private schools in the United States is close to $11,000 for grades 1 to 3, $12,000 for grades 6 to 8 and $14,000 for grades 9 to 12. Parochial schools generally charge somewhat less.

Admissions

Public schools admit all children. By law, public schools must educate all children, including students with special needs. To enroll in a public school you simply register your child by filling out the necessary paperwork.

Private schools are selective. They are not obligated to accept every child, and in many private schools admission is very competitive.

Governance

Public schools must follow federal, state and local laws in educating children. Such laws usually include specifics about funding, program development and curriculum.

Private schools make their own rules. Private schools are funded independently and don’t have to follow federal, state or local education laws or regulations. They can do whatever they want, as long as it’s acceptable to the parents, the board of directors and the major donors.

Curriculum

Public schools offer a general program, designed for all children, which usually includes math, English, reading, writing, science, history and physical education. In addition to these key subjects, many public schools offer programs in music and art. In a public school, the substance of what children learn is mandated by the state and, in most states, learning is measured through standardized tests.

NOTE: The charter school movement is picking up momentum in many states; these schools are public, but many offer specialized programs and smaller classes.

Private schools have the flexibility to create a specialized program for students. For example, private schools may use art or science in all classes, or take children on extended outdoor trips that blend lessons across the curriculum. Private schools can create their own curriculum and assessment systems, although many also choose to use standardized tests.

Teachers

Public schools: All teachers in a public school are usually state certified or, at a minimum, working toward certification. Certification ensures that a teacher has gone through the training required by the state, which includes student teaching and coursework.

Private schools: Teachers in private schools are not required to have certification, and instead often have subject area expertise and an undergraduate or graduate degree in the subject they teach.

Students

Public schools: The children at most public schools usually reflect the neighboring community. Students may be split up based on ability or interests, but in most public schools, there is a diversity of student backgrounds.

NOTE: In many states, if you are not satisfied with your assigned school, you may be able to send your child to another public school in the area. Start here to learn more information about these options.

Private schools: The student population at a private school is determined through a selection process; all students must apply and be accepted in order to attend. Although students may be from different neighborhoods, they will probably have similar goals and interests. This tends to create a fairly homogenous student body.

Special Needs

Public schools: Due to special education laws, public schools must educate all children, and provide the necessary programs to meet their special needs. This means that most public schools have special education programs and teachers who are trained to work with students who have particular needs.

Private schools: Private schools do not have to accept children with special needs, and many choose not to (although there are a small number of private schools specifically designed for special needs children). As a result, most private schools do not have special education programs or teachers trained to work with students with severe special needs. Private schools will try to help all the students they admit, but extra resources may also come at an additional cost.

Class Size

Public schools: Many states recognize the value of small classes and have provided funding to keep class sizes small in grades K-3. As students become older, class size tends to get bigger in public schools, especially in large school districts and urban schools.

Private schools: Private schools are generally committed to providing small classes and individual attention to students. Many parents choose private schools for this reason.

The Bottom Line

There are a few fundamental differences between public and private schools, but here’s the bottom line: There are great private schools and there are great public schools. The trick is finding the school that best fits your child’s needs. It’s a good idea to research the schools that interest you and, to get a true picture of the school, visit in person.

Today’s business travelers are wired—in more ways than one.

Plugged into voice mail and e-mail, hovered over laptops far into the night, business travelers have nowhere to hide from the pressures of work. Other stresses such as crowded highways, overbooked flights and unexplained delays can make just getting to a destination downright miserable.

With more business travelers on the road than ever before, it’s no wonder today’s road warriors are seeking ways to relax. According to the Travel Industry Association of America’s National Travel Survey, 197 million trips were taken in 1998, with each business traveler taking an average of 5.4 business trips a year.

So how can the nation’s road warriors cope with all of that travel? Here are 10 tips that just may take the edge off business travel.

1. Take a mental vacation
   That’s what nearly all business travelers do when they’re traveling by plane. Ninety-five percent do not consider work their first priority during flight, according to a poll conducted by Harris Interactive for Delta Air Lines. Leisure, rather than work activities, is mentioned more frequently. In fact, more than half (55 percent) take advantage of onboard entertainment and 64 percent use the time to sit and think. A whopping 81 percent read for pleasure, topped only by the all-time favorite activity for business fliers—looking out the window.
2. Escape in a book
   If you’re among those who enjoy reading to relax, Country Inns & Suites By Carlson has an in-hotel library program called Book It And Return that lends guests free books such as The New York Times best-seller “Tuesdays with Morrie.” “With more than 80 percent of business travelers reading for pleasure during their trips, we encourage our guests to borrow a book from the in-house library. When they’re finished with it we ask that guests return the book to any Country Inns & Suites North American property upon their next visit,” says Yvonne La Penotiere, vice president of sales & marketing, Country Inns & Suites. “For each book that is returned, the company will make a $5 donation to Laubach Literacy, up to a $20,000 annual donation.”
3. Get some exercise
   After sitting in meetings and seminars all day, it’s not unusual to feel the need for exercise and fresh air. More than one fourth of U.S. travelers have used a fitness center or gym while traveling. And last year one in eight played golf while on a trip of 100 miles or more away from home, according to the Travel Industry Association of America (TIA).
4. Find another outlet
   Is shopping your sport? It is for many travelers, including those on business trips. Outlet shopping malls are becoming major attractions, with 55 million travelers visiting them annually. And while the shopping experience isn’t necessarily the primary reason for most trips, many consider it another diversion from the daily grind. After all, walking around a mall is a form of exercise, too.
5. Create your own spa
   A business trip is the perfect excuse to pamper yourself. Why not turn your hotel bathroom into you own personal spa? Pack some scented candles into your overnight case. Fill up the tub, throw in some bath oil and wallow in self-indulgence. Paint your toenails pink. And no one will see you if you use a bright blue facial mask.
6. Eat anything you want
   When you’re tired, stressed and frazzled, a club sandwich won’t do. Splurge on room service and order a thick, juicy steak. Top off your meal with chocolate mousse and strawberries. Or forget the idea of a balanced meal altogether and have hot, buttered popcorn for dinner, and watch the in-room movie in your PJ’s.
7. Tune everything out
   Late night revelers keeping you awake? Bring along a sound machine. You can find portable battery-operated or plug-in models in gift and gadget stores. Some units even have cartridges for special effects, so you can drift off to the restful sounds of ocean waves, crickets or rain showers—there’s even a “white noise” version based on the sounds of a mother’s womb.
8. Ask for it—they just might have it
   Following U.S. lodging industry trends that point to customized hotels for business travelers, Country Inns & Suites hotels offer guests the comforts and conveniences of home. According to www.countryinns.com, you can expect a variety of amenities, ranging from in-room coffeemakers and irons, to a “Did You Forget?” program that offers guests more than a dozen personal care items, from a toothbrush to a sewing kit.
9. Bring the family
   If your business trip takes you away from the family, bring them with you. More travelers are taking family members along with them on business trips, and extending their business travels into leisure vacations. Two out of 10 business travelers (21 percent) combined business and vacation on their last business trip, according to the Travel Industry Association of America.
10. De-stress the drive
    An often-overlooked segment of the business travel market includes people who drive to their destinations. If you’re among them, you’re not alone. According to D.K. Shifflet & Associates, a Virginia market research firm, U.S. business people spend 1.1 billion days a year on out-of-town trips, and more than 62 percent of the journeys are by car. While in the car, Americans bring a variety of tech toys with them—as many as 57 percent, according to a survey by electronics retailer Best Buy.

Among the gizmos designed to take the bite out of travel, a surprising 16.5 percent of the survey’s respondents, including 70 percent men, said they would choose a global positioning system (GPS) as their most desired product to bring along on a trip.

No matter how much things change, some travel truisms stay the same: When it comes to coping strategies, it seems most people would rather use a GPS than ask someone for directions.

Ownership is Critical

The most effective teams have members that claim ownership in the vision and the mission of the organization. Leaders in the most successful organizations offer a complete (understood) vision for each project or issue and a plan authored by the participating team members to fulfill it. The United States Chamber of Commerce Institute for Organization Management teaches time and again: “If they write it, they’ll underwrite it.” Only those members with ownership of a project or issue will take the time to understand the vision and, then, create a plan with specific strategic areas of direction and achievable goals to hold one another accountable to fulfill the mission that fulfills the vision. That’s ownership.

Writing this article from Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, it is appropriate to use a golf metaphor to highlight the point. Imagine two foursomes in a local golf league. One group is there to have fun and if they win, great. But if they don’t, it’s not a big deal to them. The other four people, however, are there for a purpose. They see themselves holding the trophy before they even begin. They hold ownership in the vision and through their proclamation, their mission statement if you will, they have stated in unison, that they will do it. The first foursome is a group. The second foursome is a team.

Vision is To Be and Mission is To Do

To graduate a group into a team is to first understand the difference between vision and mission. Simply stated, vision is what you want to be and mission is what you will do, ultimately to make the vision a reality.

The vision statement for the National Widget Manufacturers Association might read, “To be the first and best resource for widget manufacturers nationwide.” To fulfill this vision, it would require an operational mission statement that would be concise and focused on three or four strategies designed for the organization to remain focused on their purpose. “It is our mission to serve, protect, and promote the widget manufacturers of America.” If a group suddenly sees the vision before they start and if they have the courage to say what they will do out loud, they will fast become a team.

Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

Courage is another critical element in graduating a group into a team. The best definition of courage may have come from a United States Army television commercial years ago when a young man asked his father, “What is courage?” The father replied, “Courage is setting your fears aside and doing your job.” Today, the best examples of this statement are the pilots and flight attendants of all the U.S. airlines. It’s one thing to wave a flag, but it’s another thing to get back on the plane.

A group member may have patriotism for the organization, but he or she will never be a team member until courage is exhibited. We can have a vision statement, a mission statement, a group hug, and a rousing verse of Kumbayah, but without the courage to speak up and publicly state our purpose we will remain a group of good people with good intentionsultimately doing no good.

Compare Team Size to Job Descriptions

Logistics are the next focal point in graduating from a group to a team. Does size really matter? Yes and no. Size only matters to the specific group you are focusing on at the time. In my career, there have been times when a “committee of one” was the most effective, efficient, and productive way to go. However, this is very rare.

An insightful member in my organization once offered, “If there are more than six in a meeting, you have a gathering, not a meeting.” If you select a team of six people for a project and only three have the ownership required to be successful, their productivity will be cut in half. This is not because the top three couldn’t do it by themselves, but because the three “sum fillers” were simply in the way. To be proactive in preventing this problem, identify the individual job descriptions needed to support the mission first, then put the right number of people in the right number of jobs.

Location, Location, Location

Some say you are what you eat. In organization management, it may be said you are how you meet. Groups meet because the meeting is scheduled. Teams meet when they need to meet.

Groups will meet in a basement or a lower-priced restaurant confirming their limited “buy in” to the issue or project. Teams, on the other hand, understand the philosophy of “you are how you meet.” Strong organizations make it a priority to provide meeting space and logistics that give stature to the participants and mission at hand. Organizations that don’t invest in a team’s surroundings are missing a beat.

Have Rules to Play by

Groups are usually happy to carry dead weight. The “Oh, it’s okay if you miss a few meetings” type of comment is commonly heard here. Groups that have become teams will have a strong orientation. This orientation will offer well-defined job descriptions, expected responsibilities and automatic dismissal or disciplinary actions for behaviors negatively affecting the Team. We are taught that 80 percent of a board member’s job is simply showing up. The same holds true for any of the teams we create.

Expectation, Evaluation and Recognition

The Alpha and Omega in team development begins with expectation and ends with evaluation. To motivate and excite other people you should consider what they expect first. If your mission and their expectations of the program or project match up, you will have a great start. If they don’t, don’t start yet. The final evaluation is equally critical. Final evaluations recognize strengths and weaknesses not only in the project or program, but in the people that made up the team. If formal evaluation is left out or minimized, you have cheated yourself and your organization of the effort’s full value.

With evaluation comes recognition and the Ken Blanchards and Peter Druckers of the world will remind you that the number one rule in management is “you get what you reward.” If you believe this to be true, then don’t reward all of the team members unless all of the team members deserve it. Yes, it is easier said than done but you, too, need to exhibit courage. The people that were on a team in name only may complain or even drop their membership if you don’t recognize them with those that did do the work, but think ahead! What will you really lose if they do go away? It is not fair to give awards and recognition to people who do a great job if the same award or recognition is given to a slacker.

Abraham Maslow clarified our need for recognition. So, don’t be fooled when someone says, “I don’t need any awards.” If they are actually saying it out loud, they are getting what they say they don’t want. (It’s similar to honesty. Honesty should go without saying and when someone has to say, “I’m honest,” perk up and pay close attention.) People, especially team members, want and need and deserve recognition. Give it accordingly so your team(s) don’t become groups again.

Enthusiasm is the #1 Emotion

In the final analysis of graduating a group to a team, all of the components discussed are critical: ownership, vision, mission, expectations, evaluation, and recognition will help an association executive build a team from a group. But, without passion, a group that does all the things a team is supposed to do, is still a group. Passion—real passion—with all the exciting enthusiasm you can muster for a vision and the mission to fulfill it is the final key to activate, not just motivate, a group into a true team. Look for people that work as hard as they play and play as hard as they work.